Tuesday 12 August 2008

Chippokena yuuki.. a little bit of courage..

This past week has really been rough, although i tried to be strong it really was too much.. after days of crying myself to sleep and being mad at everyone, i talked to my mum and dad. They can't fix anything, and im not sure they want to, but at least i got it out in the open and if they see me all sad and depressed they know why i am, that i have a right to be! My dad hugged me and patted my head as i cried next to him on the sofa.. that must be a first since 8 years or something.. he would do more of that, but i know i make it hard since i get embarrassed so easily..

I've been on a diet for a week now, ive lost 3 kilos already. I want to keep going.. i really need to lose weight coz i really hate myself like this. no matter how many people tell me im not fat, i'll still think i am.. my goal weight is way too low so i may never reach it.. but we'll see..

I realized something, after i come from my break at work (from 1-2), i just can't bring myself to do ANY work.. i organize papers and stuff instead of working.. i just can't! maybe its better if i don't take a break.. Today i couldn't do anything but i didnt want anyone to know im not working so i kept stapling all the paper that i had for recycling lol pretending to be working by making some noise..

I didn't get to exercise today coz i had to sit with dad & everyone, i feel really guilty, ive come to look forward to it.. it really does make you feel refreshed and all hyper!

You know all i said about my first salary.. they didnt put anything into my account :[ maybe they'll add the days from july to this month's salary.. they better do! i didnt work my *** off for nothing.. half a month left.. aaah zannen desu ne..

Fefechan, you know when pi's been talking about wanting to learn english and be better at it and whatnot, doesnt that make you feel like you want to get better at japanese..? it motivates me.. too bad i dont have the time at the mo.. i took one of my japanese books and left it at work incase i have any free time.. my senpai saw it and told me, "your really serious about learning japanese arent you?" like hell i am! i just need a teacher.. marie-san's coming over on friday if she can, i'll ask her if she knows anyone who'd be willing to teach me.. i'll pay them millions, just teach me!

Oh, i almost forgot, chippokena yuuki is one of FUNKY MONKEY BABYS' songs, its a nice song but the lyrics are really good too.. about being stronger and stuff.. anyways, akiramenai! akirametakunai! i want to be stronger..

Oyasumi

2 comments:

FeFe said...

Hi there..

you've been through a lot but you did what you can so at least this would make you feel better ne..just be stronger..

I need your diet plan,please.If you have it written in any form send it to me please. I will definately start when I come back

I want to get better at Japanese too..I don't feel that I've progressed recently and thats make me more eager to learn more..I wonder if there is somehow a way that we can get together and practise (might be impossible ne)

and pi learning english is so cute ne..did you watch kurosagi the movie. well he said some phrases in English. If you heard him speak, you would say that this guy really needs to improve his English lol I still love him though

I don't have to listen to the song now coz I need to sleep and wake up at 5. I will listen to it later..I liked the previous song you mentioned in a previous post, Lovin' Life..

Oyasumiiiiii :-* dai suki da yo

FeFe said...

Hi there..

you've been through a lot but you did what you can so at least this would make you feel better ne..just be stronger..

I need your diet plan,please.If you have it written in any form send it to me please. I will definately start when I come back

I want to get better at Japanese too..I don't feel that I've progressed recently and thats make me more eager to learn more..I wonder if there is somehow a way that we can get together and practise (might be impossible ne)

and pi learning english is so cute ne..did you watch kurosagi the movie. well he said some phrases in English. If you heard him speak, you would say that this guy really needs to improve his English lol I still love him though

I don't have to listen to the song now coz I need to sleep and wake up at 5. I will listen to it later..I liked the previous song you mentioned in a previous post, Lovin' Life..

Oyasumiiiiii :-* dai suki da yo